Philosophy in the disease

Philosophy in the disease
In fact I am very afraid, really very afraid, I have always thought of the life of the health, the healthy life which normal people pass, but not run once a month even life of the hospital several times, I mustn't live in the medicine pot, I am really very afraid, fear to go to the hospital, fear to go to the hospital alone even more, our arms have been numerous over these two years, I am living among the crowds strongly at least, growing up! Checking the heart that can be quiet slightly and beginning to shake again each time, I hope to hear the doctor say I am a healthy person, needn't come hospital, needn't take medicine again later, how 's happiness is that should! But not hear the doctor say "  The situation is not very good "  ! The simple one has already already amply thrown into me coldly with a word! I try to learn to look after oneself, it is a patient that I want to face oneself, so must have a meal, take medicine, have a rest on time, I will have a tired out feeling as soon as so long as not have a rest on time for one day, even much benefit of time that I can only be double comes back, this intensity that I am getting in poor health, sometimes it is really unable to imagine. Put down the telephone can't help cry, fashionlifetear strong to bear for a long time setting, getting off that day, I can't cry in front of him, I can't let him worry any more, I knew his worrying about and fear at heart!

I have promised him to be strong, not cried, so in any case I am in strong life, my shedding the tear no longer easily, but I can not really do that day! Will get to the station soon, will dry the tear, nobody knows my pain of injury just now, the tear left has been already evaporated on the bus, I shuttle back and forth among the crowds, even still a strong joyous smiling face in front of the one that get along every day gives up friends. I do not know when oneself begin to learn to disguise, perhaps the child of Pisces is destined the tears can only stay in one's own heart, lick and lick the wound alone. Night falling asleep, cranky at the beginning, I think he, be homesick, think I grandfather dear Papa and Mama of disease, want in younger brother that distant place go to school, want for elder sister and elder brother that life rush about, think the work which I can not still put down, think whether I am sober or has fallen asleep on earth. . .

Mother is really a pitiful mother, tear four big children arduously, and none can let her save worry. Always small disease is constant, serious disease often comes to join in the fun. One heart break off with the fingers and thumb several come, use, moreover I since little physique weak always, body all kinds of troubles have, make her to be so worried that one's heart is broken, traditional Chinese medicine Western medicine take until she begin, go, help me let folk prescription everywhere right away, see she gets on the wrinkles of the forehead too early, it is take place and even turned into ashen slowly that the ones that tarnish dark, a burst of of heart is grown and ached. She only knows her children, her husband, but has never loved for oneself. Her leg has dropped the old complaint because of being too painstaking, but she has been never willing to to spend money curing, it pains to be must difficult to bear she can go, have an injection really. My recent health of inquiry that she will be very anxious on the phone each time, but the worry that she can't help that in fact she knows what oneself be unable to help me to do, worry about. Want, exhort above several each time, " take a good rest, well, remember, take medicine undoubtedly, supply nutrition "  Even if like that, will move me endlessly each time, the heart begins to ache! Even if doctor tell me to be situation very good, I make great efforts, smile at, say me to be already much better to mother after oneself cry secretly, have not felt a pain! I can't let her worry about all one's life, she has been already bitter enough, I should bear responsibility for oneself while growing up.

Study younger brother's very curious asking me " study the sister, why you were still stolen the car last night why can be so happily today very difficult to pass that day? " I tell him laughing at: "Since the thief has stolen my car, why let him steal my happiness? Is not that that I suffer a loss even more? " Study the younger brother and exclaim and say that goes back to practise austerities and practise Confucianism in my happy philosophy. Actually this is not so, what I suffered from is not any incurable disease, I have been already great and lucky compared with those terminally ill diseases, why should I thank God's care to me to feel disheartened pessimistically?

I believe I will be good soon, I still smelt the perfume that the sunshine was sent out that day, really curious and wonderful!

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